The World’s Worst Doughnut (trademark pending)

Just to get this out of the way: I am not suggesting you try this doughnut. It is bad.  I ate one an hour ago and my teeth are still hurting and I’m vibrating slightly.

A couple years of ago, I messed around with the idea of making a doughnut filled with Red Bull jelly. It did not turn out well. Apparently, keeping the frying oil’s temperature consistent is kind of important.

Basically, I ended up making hockey pucks with a syrupy (even by Red Bull standards) jello infusion. Threw some candy on top and called it a day. The few hardy folk who were brave enough to try them used adjectives like “bad”, “horrible”, “burnt”, and “angry”.

I chalked it up to a learning experience and NEVER SPOKE OF IT AGAIN.

Two years later….

Hey wouldn’t it be a great idea to revisit the Red Bull doughnut? But instead of frying the dough, I’d just use Pillsbury  Instant Biscuit mix.  And I’ll use Pop Rocks AND Nerds as the topping. What could go wrong…..? God, I’m clever.

Below is the recipe for the worst doughnut ever…

1 Can of Pillsbury Country Biscuits

Nutella

1 can of Red Bull

I packet of Knox Gelatine

1 package of Nerds

2 packets of Pop Rocks

First off, let’s get the jelly out of the way. Pour the packet of Knox Gelatine into a bowl with 1/4 of water. Stir. Whisk in 1/4 cup of boiling water. Whisk until the gelatine crystals are completely dissolved.  Wait a few minutes for the water to cool.

Stir in can of Red Bull.  Wrap the bowl in clear plastic and put in fridge.  The exact same thing as if you were making Jello. Leave it in the fridge for a few hours to solidify.

Once you have your pee-coloured Jello all solid and ready to go, you can start on the actual doughnut part of this whole sad exercise…

Pop open that can of Pillsbury biscuits. Place them onto a cookie sheet and throw them in a pre-heated oven at 375 for about 10 minutes.

Set up your jelly stuffing, nutella spreading, pop rock dipping station….

Fill the bulb of a baster with your jelly (ew), poke the baster into each biscuit (eww), and squeeze the jelly into the hole (ewwwww).

Spread as much Nutella as you can can stand on the tops of each biscuit.

Pour your Pop Rocks and Nerds into a saucer.  Dip each Nutella topped biscuit into the Pop Rock/Nerd mix.  Listen to the doughnuts start to pop like a big old bowl of Rice Crispies.

Recipe yields ten doughnuts. Which is about 9 doughnuts too many. Or, maybe you are a sugar junkie and these will be your Blue Sky. But probably not….